Compromise is an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
This one is personal for my husband and myself. I had to deal with the inability to compromise in different areas of my marriage. The unwillingness to compromise will get you! It is sneaky, it is selfish, it’s like a bacteria. It spreads from one area of your life to another and it will take control of you both physically and emotionally. This is one of the struggles that fought our marriage for years.

I had strong beliefs and I held unto what I believed in. Once I held my grounds, nothing anyone said could’ve convince me otherwise. White was white and black was black! No matter how you tried to turn it around, 1 plus 1 is always 2 and would never be 11 in my world! I always looked at things through those lenses. What’s the point of even trying to meet you halfway, if in my opinion you are in the wrong and I wasn’t going in that direction anyways…right?… Well that’s what the lack compromising did to us. It caused riffs and division, it kept me at the North pole where it was cold and freezing and my husband at the south pole where it was warm and nice!

My husband dealt with this for years. I never really knew how negative my rigid position was until years later, after I was able to look back and see somethings from the other person’s point of view. I must say that hubby had a better handle on this than I did. He would always try to stay calm, look at the good and try to work the problem from that angle, while I would start out with the hardest no and then move to NO! It didn’t work, it will never work, if you want a good solid marriage, you have to compromise.

The funny thing is that; most of the time, once both of us moved a little closer to each other’s position, we began to realize that we both wanted the same thing. One of us wanted to approach the problem from the top-down and the other from bottom-up. Both these starting points and default settings/positions are different, hence the contrast in approaches, styles and tactics. The ultimate goal was always to get to the middle because that’s where the joy is. Now that I look back on it, some of my earlier positions seems so irrational and draconian.

Here are some quick pointers that I want to drive home.

Once I held my grounds, nothing anyone said could’ve convince me otherwise. White was white and black was black!

• 1. Compromise is ultimately about making sacrifices.
• 2. Are you mature enough to sacrifice your emotions, your feelings and your temporary happiness?
• 3. Can you do away with some doubts and fears in searching for that middle ground with your spouse?
• The next time you get to that crossroad in your marriage, ask yourself these questions.
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