The fight or flight response was a phrase first coined in 1915 by Walter Bradford Cannon. He describes it as a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival. When we feel threatened, our bodies goes into some quick supersonic rapid changes with laser precision. Our Brain sends a signal to our neurons, which then in turn fires up electrical impulses that shoot across our cells via the axon to every part of our body specific to what it needs it to do. Your body would do one of two things… fight or flight. If you point a high-speed camera at your eyes while someone throws water directly at it, it blinks, but a lot of information has to be sent and receive in the literal “blink of the eye” before the actual eye is blinked.

To make things even more interesting, if the water that is coming at your face contain ice or stone, then the body kicks into gear by engaging the feet, to lower you or shift you out of the way. The hands will either raise up to defend against the perceive danger and a lot of other more crucial parts to make it run, bend or freeze in place. You have just experience what it is to have a fight or flight event.

What does this have to do with anything? Why did I just spent the last few seconds of my life reading about Walter Cannon fight or flight theory? What does this have to do with me or my marriage? I’ll get to it in a second.  A few years ago, we were counseling a couple. Their marriage had seen better times for sure; lovely couple, God fearing, started out with all of the good intentions. They set out to plan a life of bliss together but over the years, they had drifted apart.

Like so many marriages today, the “euphoria of love” eventually wears off. In his book “The 5-love language” by Dr. Chapman, he talks a lot about this Euphoria and he said that this usually wears off between 2 – 3 years and then the real marriage starts. They had to deal with a lot of issues, which could have been sorted out if they were recognized and dealt with early. Unfortunately, the issues were left to fester over the years.

Words were thrown across at each other’s face back and forth and they landed like rocks, which resulted in devastating brutal damaging effect. In the early years of this marital crisis, they were able to adjust, shift, move out of the way, recover and move on, but the emotional strain on their lives had taken a turn for the worst. None of them had the level of maturity that was needed to maintain a marriage nor did they respected each other enough to stop the barrage of abuse. They both believed that they can leave whenever they wanted, “flight”. Hence, they have developed mental reflexes or coping mechanism to adjust their lives to accept the abuses from each other over the years. Now they are stuck, “fight”. Each one blaming the other for where they both were, but none accepting any responsibility for their current position. We see so much of this in our sessions, each one coming from a different point of view but all coming to the same place of dis-unity in the marriage.

Over time, unknowingly to them, they were both in a fight or flight mode. They had given up on the marriage, they have given up on the love that they once shared with each other. Some days it seems as though they had given up on hope for a new start, and now they were both looking for place to run, anywhere as long as they can run away from each other.

I could not help but remember seeing the glimmer of hope in their eyes during one of our intense session that there was something still there, it was buried so far down and no matter how we tried to help them re-kindle that once loving relationship, it was of no use. Pride had set in, decisions were already made, it was flight time. It was difficult and it was sad.

Are you making those same mistakes? Abusing your spouse, verbally, physically, emotionally, financially or sexually? Are you afraid to talk about it? Or are you already in full response mode of flight? It’s not too late. Don’t let it be a statistic and become like the example that we just talked about. This does not have to be your life. God can fix it, he did it for us he can do it for you.

The good news is, you can love again, you can believe again and come back from that dark place that you’re now in with your marriage. Reach out to someone who can help. Not every marriage at this stage is salvageable but a lot of them are. Won’t you want to know if you’re one of those marriages? A lot of marriages have stared down the barrel of a divorce gun and walk away from it alive and happy and rekindle their love like they never have before.

Words were thrown across at each other’s face back and forth and they landed like rocks, which resulted in devastating brutal damaging effect.

• Is your marriage in survival mode?
• Are you running away from your commitment to one another?
• Are you willing to stay and fight for your marriage?
• Are you scared of your spouse?
• Do you feel safe and free to express your feelings in your marriage?

U.C.F Ministry is here to help. Our marriage seminars are really enlightening. Give us a call and let’s get you back to where you belong today.

May the good Lord Bless and keep you always.